A Change to Screen Time
Bug = 4 years 3 months
Bub = 2 years 5 months Linus at this age
Bud = 9 months 10 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age
This is very stream of consciousness, but I need to get some thoughts down…
Until Now
Since Linus started watching TV, I’ve juggled various ways of handling it. Most recently I’ve settled on limiting the kids to 1 hour* screen time (includes playing on computer) each day.
Other practices in our house include:
- We don’t watch any TV/DVDs ourselves while the kids are up. We did try at one point to not use the computer either, but this hasn’t proven realistic for our family.
- TVs and computers are only in the living areas.
- While the TV’s on, that’s what the kids are doing – it’s not on as background to other activities.
- Generally no food/drink while watching TV.
- We don’t have any commercial TV on, only DVDs (or commercial-free Kidzone at the grandparents’).
* This time doesn’t include their bedtime tradition of watching a couple of videos on Daddy’s iPod Touch and is relaxed a bit when the kids have screen time at other homes (e.g. the grandparents).
Screen time is not a family time in our house – Linus and Ada tend to do it together (which probably means watching what Linus nicely or not-so-nicely chooses), but the grown-ups treat it as “time off”. Yes, the TV is a babysitter. I would much prefer not to use it in that way (if at all). But in the absence of aunties and neighbours and grandmothers constantly around to bounce my babies on their loving knees, I enjoy having an activity that the kids can do safely and have their attention engaged for more than 5 minutes. This has been particularly the case when I’ve had to absent myself for 10-20 minutes at a time to put a child (Zoe or Ada) to bed without interruption.
A New Way?
I’ve very recently discovered an unschooling and gentle parenting podcaster whom I respect immensely. As an aspect of trusting children to self-regulate and do what they need when they need it, she podcasted about not putting limits on children’s exposure to television.
I’ve decided to give this a go, although I’m not particularly comfortable with it.
In the past, letting the kids watch heaps of TV was usually associated with me being depressed and not able to handle things. It has been a sign of failure. This experiment has coincided with a week of absolutely dismal weather (constant heavy rain for 5 days and counting), so I’ve had a very bad couple of days.
My Strategy
If I’M uncomfortable with how much TV my kids are watching, it’s my problem, not theirs. If I give them a better option, they’ll probably take it.
I also am not quite “unschooled” enough to give up control completely. I still want to have control over what content they have available for them, so I won’t be introducing them to broadcast TV any time soon. However they have a drawer full of DVDs available to them, which includes quite a few kids’ movies and TV shows (e.g. Pocoyo, Horton Hears a Who, Happy Feet) and some documentary-type DVDs like Top Gear, March of the Penguins, David Attenborough: Trials of Life, and Spellbound.
My Observations
On Thursday and Friday with the “no limit” rule, once each day I got to a point where they’d watched a lot of TV and I felt up to having them help with stuff. Both times when I asked if they wanted to help me with making meatballs/baking they both jumped up, turned the TV off, and came running out to be with me.
Linus is still asking me a couple of times a day “Can I have as much screen time as I want?” incredulously 
My Doubts/Questions
Self-regulating is a great idea… but would radical unschoolers let their kids smoke/do drugs/ride bikes without a helmet? Surely there are some lessons we simply can’t trust our kids to learn on their own when safety is the issue. I wonder if TV is one. I wonder if by the time they’ve learned that days and weeks can be wasted in front of the TV, they’ve wasted years and years of their short childhood in front of the TV?
I also wonder about being bored, which I think is very important for children to experience so that they learn to deal with it. I’ve noticed that if I ride over a 10 minute patch of my kids being bored, complaining, coming to me every minute, etc., they’ll often then go on to happily play creatively for a long period. Sitting in front of a TV (moreso than a computer) is SO passive and mesmerising, I don’t know if it can realistically be compared to any other activity. It’s hypnotic, and I know that it takes a lot more effort to drag yourself away from it than from – say – radio or a good book. Is it foolhardy to expect little children to be able to do this?
What’s age-appropriate? While my 4 1/2-year-old might be mature enough to learn this way, will it work with my 2 1/2-year-old? And what about the baby crawling around? Perhaps I should make limits on the older children while Zoe is up.
As I said, the weather has been appalling this week plus my mother has been mostly absent, so I’ve been depressed over the past few days. I’ve struggled with guilt and confusion and doubts over letting the kids watch a lot of TV, and I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to keep it up. I’m hoping that it’s a “detox” period that I have to get through, and that my kids will learn to appreciate short periods of content that they find interesting (or relaxing) and then to turn the TV off.
