Bug = 3 years 8 months
Bub = 1 year 10 months Linus at this age
Bud = 2 months 11 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age

Last night I made up Zoe’s cot for the first time. She didn’t end up sleeping in it, but when we briefly laid her in it before bedtime, she seemed to think it was quite funny. We tried it again tonight, and:

Bug = 3 years 8 months
Bub = 1 year 10 months Linus at this age
Bud = 2 months 11 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age

I guess there’s usually some aspect of your child’s behaviour that’s driving you a bit crazy at any point in time. Sure, there’s the occasional week off when you’ve only got one child, but once you’ve got two or three children you’re very lucky if those un-crazy weeks coincide.

For the few weeks until we started Playcentre, I was struggling with Linus and Ada’s interactions with each other.

Difficult Behaviours

• Ada grizzling at every little thing Linus does.
• Linus being sneakily rough with Ada (“accidentally” pushing her or knocking her over).
• Linus stepping in and doing things that we’ve specifically asked Ada to do (especially to distract her from grizzles/fights).
• Ada has just started hitting and pushing (with occasional scratching and biting).

Difficulties in Handling It

• How to let/help them resolve things themselves so that they learn how to problem-solve and build relationships.
• How to avoid creating resentments (e.g. by siding with one or the other in any situation).
• How to treat both Ada and Linus appropriately for their ages without appearing to be unfair or inconsistent.
• How to stay sane!

Strategies

• Removing myself from the situation, and not interferring unless there’s something really wrong.
• Use of Diane Levy’s “boring cuddle” on Ada – it’s a great way to deal with a child who comes crying to you or “telling tales” over every little thing.
• Teaching Ada to use her words.
• Teaching Linus to listen to Ada when she uses her words (and when she cries).
• Teaching Linus strategies for peace-keeping (without compromising fairness or making him responsible for the outcome of every situation).
• Many of the very useful communication and parenting techniques from one of my favourite parenting books Siblings Without Rivalry (Faber and Mazlish)
• Trying to redirect into positive play (and trying to teach Linus to think this way too) without being forced to play with them all the time and micro-manage their play (this will no doubt hopefully change as they grow and mature!).

Hope!

Perhaps it’s having positive interactions with a range of children at Playcentre and observing how they communicate; perhaps it’s that Linus is getting more satisfaction, play, and physical activity at Playcentre; or perhaps it’s just maturity? But whatever the reason, Linus and Ada have been playing together wonderfully (for the most part) over the past few weeks since Linus and I started going to Playcentre three mornings a week (sometimes with Ada, sometimes without).

Instead of hitting or kicking out or sulking when Ada isn’t co-operating or playing nicely with him, Linus has become extremely good at communicating with her calmly. He often makes us smile by using expressions that he’s heard us use, like telling Ada to calm down or not to cry about something. He is also getting the hang of making imaginative suggestions of how they could play together.

Ada is also communicating better. Her speech is pretty excellent for her age, so she can let Linus know what she does and doesn’t want. Along with the improved ability to communicate comes more willingness on her part to do what Linus tells her at times, instead of always saying “No” just for the sake of it.

I’ve loved being around them lately!!

Bug = 3 years 8 months
Bub = 1 year 10 months Linus at this age
Bud = 2 months 8 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age

• I taught Linus and Ada to play Hide and Seek. I was excellent at it; they didn’t quite get it, but had a ball anyway.
• We took a Sunday drive to Bull Creek where we all enjoyed the big swing, then walked down to the beach. Linus spent his time here jumping off the craggy rocks while Ada ate old potato chips she found on the sand and put gravel in as many orifices as she could.
• The kids and Nana and I went to Silverstream again; it wasn’t flooded so proved to be even more fun than last time.
• YAY!! Zed has started babbling and smiling at us, especially at Nana (who is very persistent!).
• Zed was prescribed some antibiotic drops for her goopy eyes after a swab turned up some nasty bugs.
• Ada and Linus discovered that they can play up together after bedtime. Most nights have been fine, but we’ve had 2 or 3 lightly troubled evenings. (Provided they stay in their room, I’d almost like this to happen a little more, but Linus is usually very quick to fall asleep at night.)
• Ada has had two diabolically bad bedtimes… the kids are normally asleep at about 8pm, but on Friday and Sunday nights Ada was awake until well after 9:00, and no tricks seemed to work. Daddy ended up having to lie with her until she reluctantly fell asleep. It totally trashed Mummy and Daddy’s evenings, especially the first night when Zed was also pretty unsettled.
• For the first time in three babies, I had a baby fall asleep on the floor! Zed fell asleep on her change mat this afternoon while the rest of us were busying about with chasing and washing and messing and tidying and lunching and life.

Bug = 3 years 7 months
Bub = 1 year 9 months Linus at this age
Bud = 1 month 25 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age

I believe that getting children to do chores around the house is important. It gives them skills; it can potentially help with getting things done (although may for a long time make things take longer); and it teaches them what is involved in running a household. But the most valuable reason from my point of view is giving them a sense of responsibility and the resulting feeling of achievement and pride that comes from learning a task, doing it well, and being in charge of it.

We constantly have to rethink each child’s abilities to reassess what tasks they’re capable of. This is especially the case with Linus; with the younger children, hopefully it will be an automatic development that they’ll gradually take on the tasks that have already become routine for Linus.

Linus

Some of these jobs are ones we insist on every time (like getting dressed in the morning). Others (like helping with baking and dirty clothes in the hamper) are things we’ll often get Linus to do, but often do ourselves.

• Mealtime jobs: bib in hamper, plate etc. to the bench, and thank the cook(s) for the meal.
• Pyjamas put on bed in the morning.
• Getting himself dressed (as much as he can) in the morning.
• Getting the mail.
• Putting dirty clothes in hamper.
• Tidying up toys.
• Helping with baking (sifting, pouring, mixing – I’m not letting him break eggs yet!).
• Putting dirty nappies out the catflap (i.e. onto the back doorstep which is right next to the laundry).
• Sweeping messes into dustpan.

Ada

We’re not as insistent with Ada as we are with Linus, but she’s keen to copy her brother and eager to please us at the moment.

• Pyjamas put on bed in the morning.
• Putting dirty clothes in hamper.
• Tidying up toys.
• Putting dirty nappies out the catflap.

Zoe

• Feeding feeding feeding till she just cain’t feed no mo’.
• Sleeping on every possible member of the family.
• Getting wind up.
• Pooing and weeing on the potty (not in her nappies).

Bug = 3 years 7 months
Bub = 1 year 9 months Linus at this age
Bud = 1 month 24 days Linus at this age – Ada at this age

• I taught Linus to play Statues (an old school-yard game I used to play), and we had great fun! The bonus was that it was nice and easy to play even while I was wearing Zed.
• Ada went on antibiotics after being lethargic (sleeping a lot) and having a fever for three days. Getting liquid antibiotics into her proved to be fun – she resisted violently and had to be held down. However after the first few doses I noticed that after struggling and swallowing, she was licking her lips, so I suspect she didn’t mind the taste too much and was starting to enjoy the ritual.
• Zed grew. I know, she’s growing all the time, but she graduated from newborn to infant disposable nappies and 0000 to 000 Wondersuits. I actually have a bag in the wardrobe now of clothes that are too small for Zed!
• I managed to get out for a few walks with Bob in an effort to keep post-natal depression at bay. I’ve had some very low lows over the past couple of weeks, getting very angry with my kids and feeling quite hopeless, so Bob and my mum and I are trying to make sure I get some exercise. (And as a bonus, it might help to counteract the gallons of ice cream I’m eating in the evenings!)
• We’ve joined a Playcentre.
• Zed – at nearly 8 weeks old – still has the yucky goopy eyes that she’s had from week one, and they even seem to be getting worse. They’ve always been sticky, but there’s a bit more discharge this week and it’s a darker yellow than it has been previously. (Oh, and lots of people swear by putting breastmilk in the eyes to help this sort of thing, so I’d like to balance the anecdotes by saying that that trick hasn’t helped us in the slightest!)
• The evenings have been lighter lately, and the weather has been nicer – on occasion – so we finally managed to get out for a family tea (fish ‘n’ chips) at the Three Mile Hill Lookout. The wind was near gale-force, but wasn’t too cold.
• Ada spent her first night at Nana’s.
• The five of us spent a rainy Saturday afternoon at the Otago Museum with Gaga (who we’re unfortunately not managing to see a lot of these days).