Bug = 2 years 7 months
Bub = 9 months 22 days What was Linus up to at this age?

Last year, Ada and I were in hospital on Christmas Day, discharged just before lunchtime. This meant that we were treated to some special Christmas Eve and Christmas Day extras that patients on the other 363 days of the year miss out on.

Baby Gifts

A lady came around with a basket of booties that had been kindly donated by – I imagine – hordes of old knitter-women whose career-minded daughters and gadabout sons had failed to thus far provide them with their own grandchildren to shower with gifts. (Please excuse my uncharacteristic grandiloquence and cynicism, I’ve just had a beer!) I smiled at the gift-bearer, then time slowed down as I looked down at the booty basket: the expression on my face froze as I tried not to recoil in horror at the gaudy monstrosities I was faced with. I chose the least hideous pair (fluorescent pink as memory serves) and choked out a “Thank You” before retreating to my room.

I think that I very graciously managed to donate them back to Queen Mary Maternity Ward before I left.

Food

There was special Christmassy food, I can’t remember what. It was probably pretty good, like all the hospital food at the time was. (During my subsequent hospital visit with Ada a few weeks later, the food was awful – I think they were redoing the kitchens and had to import the food at the time.)

Money Money Money Money…

…MONEY

On Christmas Eve, another nice lady came around with a couple of envelopes each containing $7 cash, one for me and one for Ada. It turns out that this is the story:

“THE RICHMOND SHILLING”

The late James Adair Lawrie Richmond who died on 10 May 1881 and who in his lifetime was proprietor of Richmonds Scotia Hotel in North Dunedin provided in his Will that the income from part of his estate should on each Christmas Day be divided among or applied for the benefit of the patients of Dunedin and Wakari Hospitals. The income available this year is being divided among the patients in accordance with the late Mr Richmond’s Will.

And so at the end of February, I finally decided that I’d use the money to start bank accounts for both my children. So far there haven’t been any further deposits, since my kids are lacking rich, absent aunties, uncles, and grandparents who like to send cash for birthdays and Christmas. Plus there haven’t been birthdays or Christmases since the accounts were opened. (If you want to donate cash, email me and I’ll give you the account numbers!)

Bug = 2 years 7 months
Bub = 9 months 20 days What was Linus up to at this age?

Ada and I just spent a wonderful weekend in Cambridge at the La Leche League Conference 2008. We had a fantastic time, and I enjoyed meeting some new people. I even managed to learn a few things…

Neural and Social Connections

One of the sessions I attended was by Lauren Porter from the Centre for Attachment. She explained that pathways in the brain that are used frequently become strong, while those that are used rarely are pruned away. These pathways are developing rapidly in young children, and so a child’s dramatic and/or repetitive experiences strongly influence the type of brain they will have as an adult. This means (greatly oversimplified of course!) that if a child experiences primarily love and affection, they will as an adult be “tuned in” to receiving and understanding love and affection, and conversely if they experience abuse and violence that is all that they will be capable of feeling and understanding. This idea is put less scientifically but more poignantly in “Children Learn What They Live“.

A subsequent session I attended was seemingly unrelated – ‘Gaining Co-operation with your Pre-schooler‘. One of the things mentioned in passing by one of the speakers was manners. Now I confess that I have had my doubts about how much effort Bob and I are putting into teaching Linus manners. It’s working well, but in some ways I wondered what the point was and whether we were oppressing his natural childish exuberance with meaningless, societal constraints. But the speaker pointed out that a child with good manners will generally make a more favourable impression on people than a child without such manners.

So putting two and two together, teaching Linus to show people respect and gratitude and humility and all the other qualities that manners are shorthand for will increase the ratio of positive interactions he has with other people. This means that the “People are friendly“, “People like me“, “I make people smile” pathways in his dynamic little brain will flourish, helping him grow to be an adult who sees the world in a positive light.

Mirroring (or Pacing and Leading)

At the ‘Gaining Co-operation…‘ session, the speaker also mentioned another “trick” to dealing with children. She said that when a child is tense – for example, crying about not getting his own way – you should match his tension, breathing pace, movements etc. This seems counter-intuitive: surely you should be speaking in a calm, controlled voice to try to defuse the tension?! BUT she said that once you’ve matched the child, you slowly transform yourself into a calm state and the child will unconsciously follow you.

I explained this idea to Bob, and said that it sounded tricky but we should try it next time Linus got worked up about something. He thought about it for a minute, then said that he thought that it’s what we already do instinctively, and I think he’s right. We don’t say slowly in a light and airy voice “Linus… calm down.” when he’s frantic… we say quickly “Linus Linus Linus, just calm down, calm down“. It could be interpreted as us getting worked up ourselves by his stress, but it’s nice to think it’s more rational (even subconsciously) than that!

Morning Routine

And finally, I have learned that getting Ada up and putting her into a high chair a mere ten minutes later is a good way to get pants (and a high chair) full of poo!